Generation to Generation by Edwin Friedman

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=210 BGCOLOR="#99CC99" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="1552c963.jpg"> <div> <A HREF="mailto:wmeades@gmail.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto:wmeades@gmail.com"><U><IMG SRC="6799c150.png" border=0 width="156" height="21" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://practicalspirituality.wordpress.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://practicalspirituality.wordpress.c"><U>Practical Spirituality Blog</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="counseling.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Pastoral Counseling"><U>Making an Appointment</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="printableform.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Forms"><U>Information Form</U></A> </div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="map.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Directions to Office"><U>Map to My Office</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="speaking.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Speaking and Teaching"><U>Speaking and Teaching</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="enneagram.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Enneagram"><U>The Enneagram</U></A> <A HREF="enneagram.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Enneagram"><U> </U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://www.wfmhc.org/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.wfmhc.org/"><U>Waco Foundation for Mental Health Care</U></A></div> <div> <B>____________________</B></div> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Practical Spirituality"><U>Home</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="aboutme.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="About Me and My Work"><U>About Me and My Work</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="personalspiritualdevelopment.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Personal and Spiritual Development"><U>Personal and Spiritual Development</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="helpfularticles.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Helpful Articles"><U>Helpful Articles</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="booksummaries.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Book Summaries"><U>Book Summaries</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="counseling.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Pastoral Counseling"><U>Pastoral Counseling</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="premarriage.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Premarriage Counseling"><U>Premarriage Counseling</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id332.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Practical Spirituality Newsletter"><U>Practical Spirituality Newsletter</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="clericus.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Clericus"><U>Clericus</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id523.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="DS Parenting Class"><U>DS Parenting Class</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://centexintergroup.org/schedule/schedule_local.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://centexintergroup.org/schedule/sch"><U>Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings Schedule</U></A></div> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="546" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 75 WIDTH="226"><div>  <iframe marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" width="120" height="240" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?o=1&l=as1&f=ifr&t=practicalspir-20&dev-t=D68HUNXKLHS4J&p=8&asins=0898620597&IS2=1&bg1=ffffff&fc1=000000&lc1=6633ff&bc1=ffffff&IS2=1&lt1=_blank"><MAP NAME="boxmap-p8"><AREA SHAPE="RECT" COORDS="14, 200, 103, 207" HREF="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm/privacy-policy.html?o=1" ><AREA COORDS="0,0,10000,10000" HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect-home/practicalspir-20" ></MAP><img src="http://rcm-images.amazon.com/images/G/01/rcm/120x240.gif" width="120" height="240" border="0" usemap="#boxmap-p8" alt="Shop at Amazon.com"></iframe>  </div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="309"><div> To see other titles on Amazon which share Friedman's approach to systems work, please <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/index%3Dstripbooks%26field-keywords%3D%2522Edwin%2520Friedman%2522/102-4626605-3037766" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search"><U><B>CLICK HERE.</B></U></A></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> Generation to Generation</div> <div> Edwin Friedman</div> <bR> <div> <B>Introduction</B></div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="1" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="682" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="NONE" ALIGN="LEFT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 49 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> a.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> "It is the thesis of this book that all clergymen and clergywomen, irrespective of faith, are simultaneously involved in three distinct families whose emotional forces interlock: the families within the congregation, our congregations, and our own."</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5><NOBR><div> Unresolved issues in any one of these areas can produce symptoms in the others.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Increased understanding in one area increases functioning in all.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 66 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="66" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> b.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> "From a family systems point of view, stress is less the result of some quantitative notion such as 'overwork' And more the effect of our position in the triangle of our families.  It is always possible to handle more stress when we are doing it for ourselves than when we have taken it on for a relationship, no less than for a set of conflicting connections." (1)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> c.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6><NOBR><div> "In fact, family theory suggests that leadership is itself a therapeutic modality." (2)</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 66 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="66" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> d.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> "Leadership has inherent power because effecting a change in relationships systems is facilitated more fundamentally by how leaders function within their families than by the quantity of their expertise.  What is vital to changing any kind of family is not knowledge of technique or even of pathology, but, rather, the capacity of the family leader to...</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Define his or her own goals and values...</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5><NOBR><div> While trying to maintain a nonanxious presence within the system." (2-3)</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> e.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6><NOBR><div> When it comes to facilitating change, "clarity may be more important than empathy." (3)</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> f.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> "There is an intrinsic relationship between our capacity to put families together and our ability to put ourselves together." (3)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 66 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="66" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> g.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> "The sickness is in the way society wants us to cope with our specialties: by becoming expert, by assuming that our effectiveness lies in walking an unending treadmill of always trying to learn all we can, despite the fact that we live in a world where even the best specialists can no longer cover more than a corner of their field." (3)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> h.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6><NOBR><div> We have tended to emphasize pathology in counseling, which effects the field in two ways</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> It is not clear that knowledge of pathology is necessary to healing.  Healing is effected more by existential categories: vision, hope, imagination, and differentiation from other's anxiety. </div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> No one is in a better position to deal with families than clergy.  </div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Multigenerational forces are always at work in congregations.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (2)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Ministers are present during rites of passage.  </div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (3)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4><NOBR><div> Ministers have lengthy periods of time in which to know individuals and families.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (4)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Ministers have entree' because they are often leaders.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> "Thus, to whatever extent we can use our unique access to families to foster emotional healing, we are always at every moment preparing the way for other, more spiritual experiences to come later." (7)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER COLSPAN=8 HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="664"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="664" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=7 WIDTH="633"><div> <B>Part I: Family Theory</B></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER COLSPAN=8 HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="664"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="664" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><div> 1.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=7 WIDTH="633"><div> Chapter One: The idea of a family</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> a.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> Historical Perspective</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> A Modern Reformation</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Systems Thinking</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Systems Thinking and the Family</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (2)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Systems Thinking and Change</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> b.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> Family Systems Theory: Five Basic Concepts</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 49 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> The Identified Patient: "The concept of the identified patient, as stated earlier, is that the family member with the obvious symptom is to be seen not as the 'sick one' but as the one in whom the family's stress or pathology has surfaced." (19)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> The Family as a unit of Treatment</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (2)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> The Family Projection Process</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (3)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Ramifications for Counseling</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Homeostasis (Balance): Homeostasis refers to"the tendency of any set of relationships to strive perpetually, in self-corrective ways, to preserve the organizing principles of its existence." (23)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Symptom and Position</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (2)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Two Kinds of Interdependency</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 49 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Differentiation of the Self: Differentiation refers to a person's "capacity for some awareness of (his or her) own position in the relationship system" and his or her ability to change that position through self clarity. (27)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Scale of Differentiation</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (2)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Leadership and the Scale</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 49 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iv.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Extended Family Field: "...family theory sees the entire network of the extended family system as important, and the influence of that network is considered to be significant in the here and now as well." (31)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Differentiation and Family of Origin</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> v.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Emotional Triangle</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 49 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> "The basic law of emotional triangles is that when any two parts of a system become uncomfortable with one another, they will 'triangle in' or focus upon a third person, or issue, as a way of stabilizing their own relationship with another." (35)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (2)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> The seven laws of an emotional triangle</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (a)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> The third side of a triangle is part of the relational homeostasis</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (b)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> If one is the third side of a triangle, it is usually not possible to bring about change in the relationship of the other two in a direct manner.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (c)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> Homeostatic forces sabotage attempts to bring about change in the other two sides of a triangle.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 66 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="66" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="66" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="66" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="66" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (d)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> To the extent that the third party to a triangle tries to change the relationship of the other two sides, the more likely that the third party will end up with the stress for the other two. (Which is why the "dysfunctional" member of a family is often not the weakest, but rather the one who is trying to take responsibility for the whole system).</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (e)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> The various triangles in any system are usually interlocked so that attempts to change any one of the triangles are resisted by all of the others.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 49 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (f)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> One side of a triangle tends to be more conflicted than the others.  In healthy systems the conflicted moves around the triangle, while in unhealthy systems the conflict stays focused in one place.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 49 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (g)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> "We can only change a relationship to which we belong.....To the extent we can maintain a 'nonanxious presence' in a triangle, such a stance has the potential to modify the anxiety in the others." (39)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER COLSPAN=8 HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="664"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="664" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><div> 2.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=7><NOBR><div> Chapter Two: Understanding Family Process (Benefits for the clergy) (10 RULES)</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 49 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> a.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> Emotional Distance: "When family members use physical distance to solve problems of emotional interdependency, the result is always temporary, or includes a transference of the problem to another relationship system." (41)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> b.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> Loss and Replacement: "To the extent a family rushes to replace loss, its pain will be lessened, but so will the potential for change that the loss made possible." (42)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> c.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> Chronic Conditions: "If a problem is chronic (perpetual or recurrent), there must be reactive or adaptive feedback from somewhere in the system to sustain it." (45)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> d.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> Pain and Responsibility: "If one family member can successfully increase his or her threshold for another's pain, the other's own threshold will also increase, thus expanding his or her range of functioning." (47)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 49 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> e.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> The Paradox of Seriousness and the Playfulness of Paradox: "The seriousness with which families approach their problems can be more the cause of their difficulties than the effect of the problems.  Efforts directed at the seriousness itself often will eliminate the problem." (50)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> f.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> Secrets and Systems: "Family secrets act as the plaque in the arteries of communication; they cause stoppage in the general flow and not just at the point of their existence." (52)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Secrets serve to divide a system</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Secrets effect unnecessary estrangements and false companionships</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Secrets distort perceptions</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iv.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Secrets exacerbate other pathological processes which are unrelated to the particular secret because secrets tend to keep the system anxiety high.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 49 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> g.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> Sibling Position: "The position we occupy within the sibling constellation of our nuclear family of origin foreshadows our expectations of the opposite as well as the same sex, our degree of comfort with our own various offspring, and our style of leadership in succeeding nuclear groupings." (54)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> h.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> Diagnosis</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> "The diagnosis of individual family members stabilizes family homeostasis and makes it more difficult for the diagnosed member to change." (56)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5><NOBR><div> "...anxious systems diagnose people instead of their relationships." (58)</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 49 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> Symmetry : "In emotional life, every cause can produce exactly opposite effects and every effect could have come from exactly opposite causes, with the result that the more polarized things seem to be in a family, the more likely they are somehow connected." (58)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> j.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> Survival in Families</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Any organism will survive in a "hostile" environment based on the richness and flexibility of its coping skills.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Coping well results in...</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> a change in the organism, and/or</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (2)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> a change in the environment promoted by the organism.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> There are two kinds of hostile environments</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Those where the human response is irrelevant</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (2)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Those where the human response can make a difference.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iv.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> "Much of what we label stress is the response of the organism rather than the impact of the environment." (63)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER COLSPAN=8 HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="664"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="664" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=7 WIDTH="633"><div> <B>Section II: The Families within the Congregation</B></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER COLSPAN=8 HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="664"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="664" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 17 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="17" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=7><NOBR><div> <I><B>Pastoral Counseling rests on three fundamental principles:     (these are WME's thoughts, not Friedman's)</B></I></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 17 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="17" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="17" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6><NOBR><div> <I><B>1. Persons must be challenged to become the Self that God has created them to be.</B></I></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 17 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="17" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="17" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6><NOBR><div> <I><B>2. Persons must become this Self through acting in redemptive ways within relationships.</B></I></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 17 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="17" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="17" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6><NOBR><div> <I><B>3. Persons must be encouraged to resist the anxiety that the redemptive path generates.</B></I></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER COLSPAN=8 HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="664"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="664" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><div> 3.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=7 WIDTH="633"><div> The Marital Bond</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> a.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> The Myth of Incompatibility</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> "Incompatibility in marriage has less to do with the differences than with what is causing them to stand out at any given time." (68)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Marriage is always intimately connected to two "emotional fields."</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> the nuclear family</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (2)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> the extended families of origin of both partners</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> b.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> A Systemic View of Marriage</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> The Nuclear Family</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Problems in the nuclear family can surface in any of three areas</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (a)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> in the marriage itself, as conflict, distance, or divorce</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (b)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> in the physical and/or emotional health of one of the partners</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (c)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> in the physical and/or emotional health of one of the kids, a relational problem with one of the parents or siblings.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (2)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4><NOBR><div> Marriages are successful to the degree that the nuclear family is symptom free.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (3)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Human marriages never rate better than 70% on this scale.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> The Extended Family</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4><NOBR><div> Perhaps a major difference in the modern marriage is the "attenuation" of extended families.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (2)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Problems in the church can be due to attempts by persons to replace the extended family with the church family.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> c.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> A System's Approach to Counseling</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5><NOBR><div> Pastors can invoke change in families by focusing on the process, rather than the content of conflict.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5><NOBR><div> Pastors occupy a unique position in the conflicts that surface in marriages.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Three Configurations</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> The Couple seen together</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (a)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> The Counselor as a catalyst for self-definition</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="27"><div> (i)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=2><NOBR><div> The purpose is not to get the couple to agree, but rather to define their positions.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="27"><div> (ii)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=2><NOBR><div> The counselor allows the couple to "overhear" each other as they talk to the counselor</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="27"><div> (iii)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=2><NOBR><div> The counselor asks questions (rather than giving answers) that draw out self-definition</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="27"><div> (iv)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=2><NOBR><div> "Asking questions is a great way to remain both non-anxious and present." (72)</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (b)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> Detriangling</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="27"><div> (i)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=2><NOBR><div> The counselor stays in touch with, but stays out of the marital triangle.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="27"><div> (ii)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=2 WIDTH="489"><div> Detriangling occurs when the counselor shares the information given by one of the partners.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="27"><div> (iii)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=2 WIDTH="489"><div> The counselor must avoid promising to keep secrets.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (2)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Coaching one partner with the focus on the relationship</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (a)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> The attending partner is coached to get out of the feedback position and become more self-defining.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (b)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> The attending partner is usually an overfunctioner.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (c)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3><NOBR><div> Coaching attempts to stimulate strength in a family rather than shore up weakness.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (d)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> Components of the coaching model</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="27"><div> (i)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=2 WIDTH="489"><div> The partner being coached is encouraged to gain an understanding of the emotional system, and to understand how his or her feedback into the system retards change.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="27"><div> (ii)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=2><NOBR><div> The attending partner is encouraged to focus on his or her own course.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="27"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="27" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> 1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> This lowers the attending partners dependency on the system and</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="27"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="27" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> 2)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> often results in the recalcitrant partner becoming a pursuer.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="27"><div> (iii)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=2><NOBR><div> Avoid making the motivated partner into the identified patient.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="27"><div> (iv)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=2><NOBR><div> "Defect in Place" - Leaving the system emotionally without leaving physically.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 66 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="66" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="66" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="66" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="66" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="66" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="27"><div> (v)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=2 WIDTH="489"><div> "Fundamental change in a relationship does not begin when the partner being coached starts to change his or her own functioning.  It comes about when, after initiating changes and after the other partner reacts, the differentiating partner is able to avoid getting triangled in the other's automatic reactivity." (82)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="27"><div> (vi)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=2 WIDTH="489"><div> Coaching also involves the straightforward definition of positions, which can be called an "I" stand.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="27"><div> (vii)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=2 WIDTH="489"><div> "A self is more attractive than a no-self." (86)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (3)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Coaching either partner with the focus on the extended Family</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (a)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> "...working on our own extended family is coming to grips with that which is most exclusively our own.  It is the source of all differentiation." (87)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (b)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> Interlocking triangles: Differentiation in one triangle leads to unlocking the connected triangles.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> d.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> A Systems Approach to Premarital Counseling.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> The Failure of Premarital Counseling</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 49 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Friedman says that PreMC has failed to effect the divorce rate because it focuses too much on the relationship of the couple, and not enough on the family of origin issues.  (It should be noted that research indicates the PreMC has effected the divorce rate.)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (2)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4><NOBR><div> Issues of leaving and entering abound in the preparation for marriage.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Approaches that can be helpful</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Family History</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (2)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Communicating with Courting Couples</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (a)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> People generally hear you only when they are coming toward you.  PreM couples are moving toward each other and away from everyone else, so they often fail to hear advice.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="34" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> (b)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=3 WIDTH="517"><div> PreM couples have also yet to "fuse" in such away as to bring out the F-o-O issues.  This doesn't occur until after the vows.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> PreM couples tend to judge the potential for a good marriage too much on compatibility, rather than on differentiation.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iv.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5><NOBR><div> Ministers often create the same issues when "courting" a new congregation.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER COLSPAN=8 HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="664"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="664" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><div> 4.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=7 WIDTH="633"><div> Child-Focused Families</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> a.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> The Child-Focusing Process</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5><NOBR><div> Children are often symptom bearers because they are lowest on the hierarchy.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Children are the most helpless, and so they rarely can turn the attention back to the members of the family with the actual issues.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> b.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> Advantages for the Clergy</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Clergy can't possibly be knowledgeable in all areas of treatment, so the systems approach is good because it does not depend on expertise.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Intervening between the child and parents can be difficult because the parents are also the minister's "bosses."</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5><NOBR><div> However, the history of the minister with the family can bring a power to the intervention.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER COLSPAN=8 HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="664"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="664" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> c.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> Family Leadership</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> "One of the most prevalent characteristics of families with disturbed children is the absence or the involution of relational hierarchy." (102)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5><NOBR><div> Self-definition changes the nature of the relationship between the leader (parent) and the follower (child).</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Communication: The leader does not use language to force ideas into the follower's head.  Rather, the leader uses language to define his or her own being.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iv.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5><NOBR><div> "Children have a right to be heard, but parents have an obligation to be clear." (104)</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> d.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> Three Emotional Coordinates</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Reciprocity: Research suggests that when mom's anxiety goes down the child's behavior gets worse, and when the child's behavior gets better, mom's anxiety goes up.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 49 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Fathers: "An emotionally distant male is a necessary precondition for the perpetuation of an intense mother-child relationship." (105).  The males role is felt in how he relates to the mother-child relationship rather than with his direct relationship to the child.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 49 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Mothers of mothers: Research suggest the mothers who are anxious in relation to their children rarely have/had comfortable relationships with their mothers.  Including grandparents in the counseling can be very important.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> e.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> The Systems Approach</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Parents with Child</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Coaching One Parent with the Emphasis on the Nuclear Family</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Coaching Mother Alone with the Emphasis on the Extended Family</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iv.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Coaching Father Alone with the Emphasis on the Extended Family</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER COLSPAN=8 HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="664"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="664" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><div> 5.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=7 WIDTH="633"><div> Body and Soul in Family Process</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> a.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> A New Medical Model</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5><NOBR><div> The split between body and soul in our culture is a significant problem.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5><NOBR><div> New research suggests that physical and emotional conditions must both be present.</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Physical dysfunction in one member of a family can be viewed as a family symptom. (My comment: But be aware of any form of reductionism!)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> b.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> New Medical Thinking on the Relationship of Body and Soul</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Autonomic Nervous System: Biofeedback has been successful in giving persons control of emotional factors in physical illness.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Endocrine System: Emotional stress in the system can keep the endocrine system in a heightened state of functioning for abnormal periods of time.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 66 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="66" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="66" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Immunological System: The immune system can be compromised during periods of high emotional stress.  "...Under certain conditions...an organism's immune system will lose the capacity to distinguish self from non-self and, in the face of challenge, attack its own being.  This has been dubbed the auto immune response." (128)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 49 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iv.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Genetics: Genetics is teaching us that there is an element of "predestination" in our make-up.  However, this must not be confused with causation which leads to victimization.  Persons have some control over the ways in which genetic characteristics develop.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><div> c.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=6 WIDTH="610"><div> The Identified Physical Patient</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> i.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Emotional Stress and Physiology</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> "Physiological stress is not the outside pressure of the impacting force upon a person but the body's own response to that pressure." (129)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (2)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> "Stress itself is a nonspecific response of the body." (130)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (3)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> "Individuals and perhaps families tend to express their stress in ways that are idiosyncratic." (130)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (4)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> "...it is chronic stress rather than acute stress that tends to promote the most serious symptoms." (130)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 49 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="49" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> ii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> Homeostasis: Systems seek homeostasis the same way as bodies, and helps explain the presence of an identified patient.  If the symptom is addressed with out addressing the chronic stress, the symptom will simply reappear.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iii.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> The Malignant Family Position: One's place in the system can have a bigger impact on symptoms than personal factors.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><div> iv.</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=5 WIDTH="581"><div> A Family Systems View of Physical Health</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (1)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Smooth functioning systems can be seen at both ends of the continuum: differentiation and dependency.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (2)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> Dependency buys health at the cost of illness elsewhere.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (3)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> "The less well-differentiated a family relationship system, the more probability exists that stress in any family member can produce dysfunction in any other family member." (135)</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (4)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSPAN=4 WIDTH="546"><div> In well differentiated family systems, one's personal health is more dependent upon one's own decisions and actions.</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 33 WIDTH="30"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="30" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="22"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="22" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="28"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="33" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="28" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="34"><div> (5)</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP COLSP