Faith and Telling the Truth

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=210 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="1552c963.jpg"> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="158" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER BGCOLOR=#660000 HEIGHT= 71 WIDTH="146"><div> <A HREF="wf.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Waco Partnership for Psychological and S"><U>Waco Partnership for Psychological and Spiritual Care (WPPSC)</U></A></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <A HREF="mailto:wmeades@gmail.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto:wmeades@gmail.com"><U><IMG SRC="6799c150.png" border=0 width="156" height="21" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Practical Spirituality"><U><B>Home</B></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="intro.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Introduction"><U>Introduction</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id484.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What Faith is NOT: Part 1"><U>What Faith is NOT: Part 1</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id485.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What Faith is NOT: Part 2"><U>What Faith is NOT: Part 2</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id486.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Faith: Living As If"><U>Faith: Living "As If"</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id487.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Faith: What Gets You Up in the Morning?"><U>Faith: What Gets You Up in the Morning?</U></A></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700dcffffff00.png" HEIGHT="15" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Faith and Telling the Truth</B></div> <div> <A HREF="7.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Abby and the Bad Witch"><U>Abby and the Bad Witch</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="mfis_htm.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Mature, Functional and Immature Spiritua"><U>Mature, Functional and Immature Spirituality</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id502.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Faith: Concrete and Abstract Thinking"><U>Faith: Concrete and Abstract Thinking</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="rohrville.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Trip to Rohrville"><U>A Trip to Rohrville</U></A></div> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=170 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="589" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 143 ><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="78480800.png" border=0 width="128" height="128" ALIGN="LEFT" HSPACE="10" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="78c9e700.png" border=0 width="414" height="112" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 19 WIDTH="146"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="19" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="146" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="432"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="19" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="432" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" height=310 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B>Faith and Telling the Truth</B></div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="702" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 1376 WIDTH="696"><div> <B>Faith and Telling the Truth</B></div> <bR> <div>     If you have a car, you have a change tray.  If you smoke, you may still call it the ash tray, but for the rest of us, its just the change tray.  Why is there a change tray?  The change tray exists to insure that you will have money for emergencies.  My wife disagrees, but my wife is wrong.  My wife thinks the change tray exists to provide her with large cherry-limeaides from the drive-in.  This woman, who has never balanced a checkbook in her life, can glance at the change tray and tell you exactly how many large cherry limeaides can be purchased with the contents.</div> <bR> <div>      I told you that so I could tell you about this.</div> <bR> <div>      A few years ago Holly and I are driving into Houston.  Our three kids are in the back behaving like the siblings that they are.  It’s a nerve-fraying experience on a good day.  We see the exit for the toll road we need to take, so I slowly work my way over to the correct lane and we take the exit that will transfer us to that road.  I see the signs, “Tollbooth ahead.”  The traffic is backing up, but I can see that the far left lane is short.  As I pull over to that lane I see the sign, “Correct change only. No pennies.”  I’m thinking, “No problem, I’ve got the change tray.” (You see where this is going already, don’t you.) I lower the window, pull up to the machine that has a big basket-looking thing to catch the change, and I pull open the change tray – nothing but pennies.  My wife has scavenged every piece of silver from the tray and purchased cherry limeaides.</div> <bR> <div>      I’m suddenly panicked.  No one has any change.  Cars are piling up behind us.  I’m yelling, “Why isn’t there change in the change tray?” I don’t just yell it once.  I preach a sermon on it.  </div> <bR> <div> “There’s supposed to be change in the change tray!”  </div> <div> “I always keep change in the change tray!”  </div> <div> “You always take all the change from the change tray!” </div> <div>  “Why can’t you just leave change in the change tray?”</div> <div>        <I>(</I><FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="ClassGarmnd BT" ><I>Unlike you, I occasionally get worked up over things others find insignificant.)</I></FONT></div> <bR> <div>      There’s a tap on the side of the car.  I turn to see a young woman in a toll booth uniform.  She asks, “May I help you?”  I yell, “My wife bought cherry limeaides!”  She rolls her eyes, takes a dollar bill from my trembling hand, and gives me four quarters.  As she walks away I toss the coins into that basket thing.  The gate goes up.  I drive through.  But my sermon was not finished.</div> <bR> <div>           “Haven’t I always told you to leave the change tray alone?  Haven’t I made it clear that the change tray is sacred?  I’m sick and tired of never having change from tray!”</div> <bR> <div> I then offer the altar call: “So, will you promise to leave the change in the change tray!?”</div> <bR> <div>      And my wife says . . ., “No.”</div> <bR> <div>      Wrong answer.  Well, actually it was the right answer.  It was an answer that marked a shift in the way we did our relationship.</div> <bR> <div>      For twenty years Holly had been lying to me.  For twenty years she had been saying what I wanted to hear in order to make the conflict go away.  She would be the first to tell you that, on many of those occasions, she knew she wasn’t taking me seriously.  But, I could be so boneheaded about the most ridiculous things, it wasn’t worth it.</div> <bR> <div>      I’m not exactly sure why Holly chose that particular moment to shoot straight, though I suspect it had something to do with the conversations she’d been having with a therapist.  Whatever the motivation, the moment was a gift for me.  For as angry as I was, Holly was helping reestablish our relationship on more honest ground.  For too long I’d been using my anger to control the direction of our marriage, and for too long she’d been trying to dance her way around me.  I realize now that I am lucky Holly stilled cared enough to work towards undoing this silly and destructive pattern.</div> <bR> <div>      Brad Blanton has written, “We all lie like hell.  It wears us out.  It is the major source of all human stress.  Lying kills people,” [Brad Blanton, <U>Radical Honesty: How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth</U> (Dell, 1994), p. xxv.]</div> <bR> <div>      I agree with Blanton.  Trouble is, as much as lying kills people, telling the truth terrifies people.  People are rarely more wide-eyed in therapy than when I suggest they tell the truth to themselves or to someone else.  Here’s an example of the sorts of questions that are an invitation to truth-telling:</div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">What if you really are just making excuses for yourself?</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Could it be that you really are as selfish as your spouse says you are?</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Do you suppose you’ve just decided to stay stuck instead of deal with your situation?</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">What would happen if you told your friend how angry you are with him?</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">How do you think your dad would react if you told him you weren’t coming to visit until he stopped drinking?</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700c800000000.png" HEIGHT="13" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">What would happen if you didn’t pay any more of your daughter’s bills until she got a job?</div> <bR> <div> These sorts of questions almost always result in that "deer-in-the-headlights" look.  And so I'll ask, “Why do you suppose it seems so scary to consider this approach?”</div> <bR> <div>      I’ve defined faith as living as if something is true even though you can’t prove its true.  Telling the truth fits under this heading.  Christian Scripture says, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)  I take this to mean that the journey towards a meaningful and redeemed life involves telling the truth.  This can be a difficult principal to follow since telling the truth can also stir up much pain and chaos. </div> <bR> <div>      What do you think?  Can you believe that truth telling is necessary if you are going to grow up?  Can you believe that truth telling is worth all the anger and fear and sadness it can stir up?</div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>