Introduction

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=210 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="1552c963.jpg"> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="158" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER BGCOLOR=#660000 HEIGHT= 71 WIDTH="146"><div> <A HREF="wf.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Waco Partnership for Psychological and S"><U>Waco Partnership for Psychological and Spiritual Care (WPPSC)</U></A></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <A HREF="mailto:wmeades@gmail.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto:wmeades@gmail.com"><U><IMG SRC="6799c150.png" border=0 width="156" height="21" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Practical Spirituality"><U><B>Home</B></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700dcffffff00.png" HEIGHT="15" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Introduction</B></div> <div> <A HREF="id484.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What Faith is NOT: Part 1"><U>What Faith is NOT: Part 1</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id485.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What Faith is NOT: Part 2"><U>What Faith is NOT: Part 2</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id486.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Faith: Living As If"><U>Faith: Living "As If"</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id487.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Faith: What Gets You Up in the Morning?"><U>Faith: What Gets You Up in the Morning?</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id488.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Faith and Telling the Truth"><U>Faith and Telling the Truth</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="7.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Abby and the Bad Witch"><U>Abby and the Bad Witch</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="mfis_htm.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Mature, Functional and Immature Spiritua"><U>Mature, Functional and Immature Spirituality</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id502.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Faith: Concrete and Abstract Thinking"><U>Faith: Concrete and Abstract Thinking</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="rohrville.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Trip to Rohrville"><U>A Trip to Rohrville</U></A></div> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=170 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="589" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 143 ><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="78480800.png" border=0 width="128" height="128" ALIGN="LEFT" HSPACE="10" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="78c9e700.png" border=0 width="414" height="112" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 19 WIDTH="146"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="19" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="146" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="432"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="19" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="432" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" height=310 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B>Introduction</B></div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="702" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 734 WIDTH="696"><div> Introduction to <U>When Faith Doesn't Work: Practical Reflections for the Journey</U></div> <bR> <div>  <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >     A few years ago I landed in a ditch that was far deeper and darker than any ditch I had encountered before.  It is true that I was forced off the road by circumstances over which I had little control.  It is also true that I should have seen the traffic coming.  I suppose I’m fortunate that I made it to mid-life before I ran into a situation I couldn’t bend by sheer force of will, but, when the depression and anxiety hits like a truck, it is hard to be objective about such things.  The result was that I was out of a job.  I was angry, and ashamed, and scared.  My family needed for me to be resilient, and determined, and brave.  I wasn’t.</FONT></div> <bR> <div>      Interestingly, at least to me, was the delayed onset of the worst of my crisis.  For a few months I just hunkered down and took care of the business at hand.  I thought I was doing fairly well.  However, within twenty-four hours of accepting a new position, I began to slide deeper into that ditch.  The depression took hold.  The anxiety emerged.  I could barely get on with my most basic responsibilities.  I’d had many clients in a similar place.  I’d read reams about such things, so I thought I understood what depression and anxiety were like.  I didn’t.</div> <bR> <div>      I still recall quite clearly one of the worst nights.  I’d taken the sleeping meds – maximum dose allowed – but was still lying wide awake in the dark.  As waves of anxiety swept over me I began to pray.  I couldn’t seem to form any sort of conversational prayer, so I began to recall the prayers I’d learned along the way.  I prayed the simple prayers of the mystics.  I prayed the Lord’s Prayer.  I began to offer snippets of childhood prayers recalled from Sunday School.  By the time I got to “Now I lay me down to sleep...” I came to a rather startling conclusion: My faith doesn’t work.</div> <bR> <div>      As I look back on that night, it seems as though everything I had been taught that faith was supposed to do had come to nothing.  God was not there – at least not in the ways I thought God was supposed to be there.</div> <bR> <div>      As is often the case with such hard insights, the anxiety was actually the dark  wrappings of a gift.  As medication, therapy and spiritual direction began to help me regain traction, my curiosity about faith became more pressing.  I knew that I didn’t want to go through this sort of crisis again, and I figured that some kind of deeper or more mature understanding of faith might innoculate me against such a recurrence.  I’m sure I haven’t found anything approaching a vaccine, but I have found it helpful to rummage around in the basement of my beliefs about religion, spirituality, and faith. </div> <bR> <div>      These essays are a part of that rummaging.  It is my hope that these reflections will be of some interest and help as you go through the boxes in your basement. </div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>