The theological/spiritual issue inherent in the concept of narcissism is that of self-love. So, I began my study by asking the question, "How can I come to love myself?" The answer to the question was been pursued by tracking through the theories of Heinz Kohut, Carl Jung, and Adrian van Kaam. The stories of my clients were also a part of that journey. Several secondary questions informed this expedition as well: 1) What is the nature of the Self and of mature Selflove? 2) How does mature Selflove develop through the lifecycle? 3) Where might the development of Selflove become distorted, and what is the impact? 4) How can disturbances in Selflove be overcome? 5) What spiritual or theological concepts might further illuminate these ideas.

Kohut, Jung, and van Kaam each, I have argued, make valuable contributions to this study, yet also give evidence of conceptual or theoretical weaknesses. Kohut carefully describes the lasting impact of personal relationships and empathy in the developing child. He remains somewhat mired, however, in his focus on the past, asserting that the Self is always best understood in terms of childhood. The Jungians break loose from a dependence on the past in their descriptions of a Self with a teleological dimension, but development is still understood as a completely human phenomenon. It is van Kaam who locates the true power for development and transformation in the hands of God. Van Kaam's language is that of theology, and he translates psychological issues well. Yet van Kaam's ideas on early development lack the depth and sophistication of his theories on healthy adult development.

These three perspectives, I am asserting, provide helpful, yet inadequate, conceptualizations of narcissistic development and, consequently, of the emergence of mature Selflove. The purpose of this chapter is to describe my contribution to the subject. I will build upon these three theoretical positions, the contributions of the clinical cases and my own reflections in order to construct a distinctively pastoral and theological model of narcissistic development. The pastoraltheological dimensions described will serve the pastoral caregiver as he or she seeks to relate to those who evidence disturbances in Selflove. This chapter will proceed in a similar fashion to the previous three, considering the nature of the Self and of mature Selflove, the development of Selflove, disturbances in development, and issues of transformation and therapy. The chapter will conclude with a number of summary remarks. Each major section will begin with a brief indented paragraph which is a summary of my position.

The Self is the essence of personhood, containing those characteristics common to all humanity as well as the unique features of the individual. Driven by the Spirit of God, interpreted here as natural capacities for intimacy and assertiveness, the Self moves toward community as it seeks to realize its almost unlimited possibilities. The Self is the intersection of the personal and the transpersonal, the vehicle through which communion with God is facilitated. Mature SelfLove is, therefore, an acceptance of the basic worthwhileness and uniqueness of one's Self, which humbly rests upon God's graceful acceptance.

The above statement, my theological anthropology, so to speak, is derived from my interpretations of Kohut, Jung, van Kaam, and the case studies. Observationally, all three of the theorists reach virtually identical conclusions regarding the fundamental nature of the Self and of Selflove. This section will describe my integration of these perspectives.

Kohut, Jung, and van Kaam agree that the Self is a mysterious essence which exists at birth and holds the unique plan of development for the individual. Kohut speaks of a nuclear program, Jung attempts to describe guiding archetypes, and van Kaam reflects on foundational form potency. All of these terms attempt to capture the fact that persons are all alike, yet different. The case studies confirm that persons are indeed unique yet strikingly similar in their needs and development.

The three theories begin to depart at the point of interpretation. The Self, for Kohut, is a genetic endowment. Jung and van Kaam concur but insist that there is also "something more", something divine, inherent in the Self. Jung's "something more" is captured by the numinous archetypes which drive for expression. He emphasizes, unlike Kohut, that the Self is effected as much by where it is going as by where it has been. Van Kaam insists that the "something more" is the spark of the living God, awaiting actualization in Christian pilgrimage. Van Kaam, unlike Jung, however, insists that full expression of the Self is not a possibility for the human alone. The intervention of the Holy Spirit, the pneumatic dimension, is necessary if individuals are to rise above personal concerns. Even Kohut, with his thoroughly humanistic assumptions, argues that the Self is the seat of those moments of seeming transcendence. These are moments when one seems at home with himself or herself and with the rest of the world.

Community. Theology and psychology share an interest in goals or eschatology. Eschatology asks, "Toward what ends are humans moving?" This study suggests an eschatology of community. The scriptures abound with City of God imagery, describing the goal of humanity as communion among the saints and with God. The theorists considered here insist that humans are, by nature, communal and relational beings. Kohut argues, with his concept of the selfobject matrix for example, that persons never outgrow community. Van Kaam and Neumann concur. The cases studies confirm that even the smallest of communities, that between client and counselor, is necessary for healing and growth. The Self cannot emerge in isolation, apart from the support of others. The Fall, as will be discussed later, is fundamentally a breakdown in community. Salvation, by the same token, becomes a process of reconciliation aimed at the restoration of community. The driving forces behind community are natural capacities for intimacy and assertiveness.

Intimacy and Assertiveness. Theology and psychology also share an interest in motivation. Motivation asks, "What forces drive humans forward?" Depth psychology has it roots in Freudian drive theory. Freud defined motivation in terms of sexuality and aggression instincts. The New Testament, on the other hand, speaks of being Spiritled or Spiritfilled. Scripture, however, does not define the nature of motivation beyond this. This study suggests a more specific definition of being Spiritled.

Kohut, Jung, and van Kaam each depart from the Freudian drive model in similar ways. In the place of inborn sexuality and aggression drives they argue for natural capacities of intimacy and assertiveness. Kohut is most explicit at this point, reframing the sexual and aggressive drives as the disintegration products of frustrated development. Van Kaam further posits that the ultimate energy for these capacities comes from the pneumatic, or spiritual, dimension of humanness. Jung's descriptions of the numinous energy of the archetypes is similar. The New Testament, with its focus on the motivating Spirit, consistently offers two actions as definitive of the Christian life. These two actions, simply put, are going and loving. Christians are exhorted to go out into the world and love it. The motivating power of the Spirit, I conclude, is tightly intertwined with assertiveness and intimacy.

Intimacy and assertiveness are necessary capacities for community. Relationship requires risk. One must be able to take risks and move assertively away from comfort towards new experiences and persons. Upon engaging new relationships, one must be capable of intimate and empathetic connections while maintaining separateness. The Self first tests these capacities in relationship with the parents and ultimately in relationship with God.

The reader may be reminded by the forgoing discussion of the ongoing debate in Christian theology between Arminianism and Calvinism. My interpretation of the Self places this study within the theological tradition of Arminianism. The Self, as I describe it, can be understood as the imago, or to use Jung's phrase, "the God within us." This assumption of an unscathed essence is at the heart of Kohut's turn away from classical psychoanalytic theory and reflects a central disagreement between Jung and Freud. This assumption is also reflected in van Kaam's concept of the emerging Self, and, for him, becomes the only reasonable basis for Selflove. A sharp contrast between van Kaam and the other two theorists must, however, be addressed.

Van Kaam, working firmly within the bounds of Christian theology, asserts that full Selfhood is only achieved through the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is received in commitment to and relationship with Jesus Christ. Kohut has no need to think at all in theological categories, while Jung would find van Kaam far too narrow. Jung would consider the Holy Spirit and the person of Jesus as one possible vehicle for experiencing the numinosity of the archetypes. My position asserts the primacy of God's incarnation in Jesus Christ, and so holds Christianity as the ultimate path to full humanness. Yet, from my perspective, humility requires that one not limit the ways in which God encounters persons, and so I at least maintain the possibility of full Selfhood apart from Christian faith.

The acceptance of an unblemished imago clears the way for seeing basic human nature in positive rather than negative terms. Freud's drive theory, therefore, gives way to a conception of humans as basically good, but shackled. This assumption has further implications for one's understanding of the nature of sin and of transformation, issues addressed below.

The prevailing psychodynamic understanding of Selflove when Kohut was in training argued that Selflove is a less mature expression of the personality than is objectlove (usually understood as love of other persons). Kohut's contribution was to assert the fallacy of this assumption. Selflove, he argues, is prior to objectlove, and develops throughout life in its own right. Mature Selflove emerges when those objects, once needed for maintenance of one's sense of Self, are internalized. One can do for one's Self without having to manipulate others or the Self. Mature Selflove, therefore, needs neither to undervalue nor overvalue the Self. Neumann's brand of Jungian theory comes to the same conclusions, as does van Kaam with one notable exception. Selflove, for van Kaam, is firmly rooted in the transcendent and pneumatic dimensions and ultimately rests in Selfacceptance. Selfacceptance begins with the realization of one's acceptance by God.

Selflove is, therefore, one characteristic of the mature Self. Mature Selflove must be distinguished from various forms of pride, selfpreoccupation, or selfdisparagement which seek to manipulate others into selfserving roles. The person who can look upon the Self with mature love is aware of his or her gifts and unique value and is able to choose Selfdenial (asceticism) in relationships. This person is able to authentically love others. Such has been the case, in fact, in the lives of many of my clients. Mature Selflove thus captures the best of Jesus' injunction to love one's neighbor as one's self (Self).

The seeds of mature Selflove germinate best when planted in childhood. The blessings of the parents prime the developmental pumps and are the foundation of all subsequent experiences of faith, hope and love. A part of development entails the slow discovery of the Self as it unfolds. The Self begins to take on unique dimensions, driving into the future to realize possibilities. At any point in the journey the Self may reveal a side which seems unacceptable, unblessable, and unlovable. Each of these moments are critical transitions which determine whether mature Selflove will continue, or be derailed.

Truth, it seems, is always found in tension. It is often paradoxical in nature. Attempts to solve the paradox always dissolve truth, leaving heresy in its wake. Christian theology abounds with examples. One example: Christ is fully God and fully human. Both premises cannot be true; yet if one is denied, something of the mystery of creation is lost in the rationality. Such is the nature of heresy. The Otherness of God is traded for a tensionless faith.

The emergence of mature Selflove is cradled within such paradoxical tensions. The egoSelf axis of which the Jungians speak is a psychological picture of this fundamental tension, that between reality and possibility. The incarnation of God in Jesus is the supreme theological picture of the same tension. Jesus, one could argue, is what happens when the unlimited God meets the limits of finite reality. This section will describe the tensions which support the emerging Self throughout the two major facets of the life cycle, childhood and adulthood, tensions which, if not maintained acceptably, dissolve into heresy.

Noah emerged from the ark and built an altar (Genesis 8:20). The chaos of the flood had subsided. The time had come for order. The first hint of that order was the altar, representing a confidence in God's possibilities amidst a waterlogged world. This Old Testament drama, reenacted in many ways by countless peoples, captures the experience of childhood. Before the Self can emerge, order must be established in the midst of the chaos.

Chaos is set in motion at the birth of the child when all the possibilities of a new Self are hurled into a world of objective reality. Order is first an external experience mediated entirely by the mother, who, as Neumann suggests, embodies the Selfhood of the child. Internal order comes with what Neumann and van Kaam refer to as psychological birth. Neumann conceptualizes this birth of the personality as the formation of the egoSelf axis. Another way to understand this axis would be as the first intimate connection between reality (perceived by ego) and possibility (perceived by Self). The ego seeks to cope with the objective world. The Self seeks to actualize its own potentials. When the ego and Self are connected, they work in harmony on both of these goals. When reality and possibility connect, order is born in the internal chaos and, as van Kaam says, the fundamental triad of faith, hope, and love emerges.

Parental asceticism is necessary to this process. This study has noted that narcissistic development can occur only within the context of relationships. The initial relationship is to the parents. The Selfdenying potential of mature Selflove is perhaps never more significant than in parenting. Asceticism, or Selfdenial, has long been considered a road to Christian virtue. Parenting demands that the desires of the Self be sublimated so that the needs of the child be met. Parents, therefore, must forever choose between asceticism and Selfindulgence. All of the theorists agree that the cycle of disturbed Selflove is set in motion by parents who need a child to help them maintain their sense of Selfhood. The clinical cases painfully bear this out. When a parent has a cohesive sense of Self, then he or she is able to lay aside his or her needs in order to meet those of the child. The child, then, grows into an adult who is also capable of Selfgiving behavior because he or she partakes of Selflove.

The emergence of mature Selflove is energized, therefore, by a fundamental tension between reality and possibility. The maintenance of this tension of emergence depends upon the parent's ability to choose asceticism over indulgence. The parent who makes this choice supports the Selfemergence of the child by offering three experiences which begin to provide order for the child's world. These experiences are blessing, grace, and incarnation. Each of these experiences serves to hold in place certain developmental tensions which must be peacefully maintained if the Self is to emerge. These tensions, in a sense, pave the way for Selfemergence, leading to a realistic acceptance of one's own unique value and worthiness. Each of these tensions, furthermore, corresponds roughly to three phases of childhood: 1) Blessing refers to infancy. 2) Grace refers to childhood. 3) Incarnation refers to adolescence. The following discussion assumes a parent who has chosen asceticism over indulgence in a "good enough" fashion.

Blessing. The first defining tension of childhood is the tension between grandiosity and worthlessness. The maintenance of this tension is fostered through blessing. The inherent danger in this tension is that one's grandiosity will not be confronted and modified, or that grandiosity will be totally crushed. The critical period for blessing is infancy.

Childhood has long been understood as the seedbed of trust. Trust may be conceived of in terms of the parents' ability to meet the child's every need as it arises. Kohut, who values consistent parenting, nonetheless argues that trust is dependent primarily upon empathy, that is, with the parents' ability to maintain an understanding relationship with the child in the face of parenting failures. Kohut assumes that parents will fail but that failure need not be traumatic. Neumann concurs.

Parental empathy is first tested, according to Kohut, by a normal period of exhibitionistic grandiosity by the child which requires acceptance and mirroring. The parents function as reflectors of the child's behavior, confirming her or his importance. Such confirmation is the initial parental blessing. When blessed, the child slowly integrates this grandiosity into realistic selfesteem. Mirroring experiences are especially important during the first year of life because the personality is struggling for birth. The mother is the midwife in this process, and the quality of the maternal relationship determines the quality of all the child's subsequent relationships to persons and things.

Blessing thus is the theological equivalent of mirroring. The blessing of the parents allows the child to moderate grandiose selfimages without falling into despair. The tension between grandiosity and worthless is maintained at a tolerable level. The connection between the ego and Self is enhanced as they continue to mirror reality and possibility. The child experiences himself or herself as worthwhile, but the need to be the center of the universe diminishes. This initial Selflove allows the child to project himself or herself hopefully into life with the conviction that he or she can make a unique contribution.

Grace. The second defining tension of childhood is the tension between perfection and shadow. The maintenance of this tension is fostered through the experience of grace, both for others and for one's Self. The inherent danger in this tension is that the child will embrace perfection as something achievable, or that the child will identify too completely with shadow. The critical period for grace is childhood.

Kohut and Neumann describe the child as one who moves into the world seeking ideals, first without, and then within. Children need a strong and powerful, or ideal, parent who offers protection and comfort in times of stress. When they receive this care in a consistent enough fashion, children slowly learn how to comfort and soothe themselves when they are disappointed by themselves or others. The Self develops the capacity both to envision ideals and to tolerate the lack of perfection in these ideals. Parental failures, within the context of blessing, allow the child to accept the ambivalence associated with the parents.

Graceful acceptance of the child by the parents also paves the way for the child's own graceful acceptance of the Self. The truly unique elements of the personality become apparent when the child begins to move away from parents and into the culture. Parental acceptance of this little individual may become stressed. Aspects of the personality which are not blessed by the parents are repressed, and the personal shadow begins to form as possibilities are denied. Both Kohut and Neumann suggest that the superego forms during this phase, providing the first experiences of guilt and shame. Neumann and Kohut further agree that this guilt and shame is due to the child's internalization of the parent's nonacceptance. Some degree of Selfalienation, or sin, therefore, is inevitable. The promise of grace, however, is also present. As long as the parental relationship is fundamentally sound and empathetic, these minor experiences of nonacceptance are not traumatic, and the shadow which forms is manageable.

Van Kaam does not provide the detail of Kohut or Neumann on these issues but does offer an interesting corroboration. He notes that the uncongenial lifestyle is first encountered in childhood. Van Kaam does not make a direct connection, but he also describes adult confusions between ambitions which can be achieved through effort, and aspirations which are unachievable guiding ideals. The source of this confusion would seem to rest in this period where childhood ideals are confronted and modified. Van Kaam further suggests, as do Kohut and Neumann, that this first shadow experience is not due to any original sin but rather to the child's need to fit into family and culture.

The roots of intimacy and assertiveness are found in these first experiences of grace. The Jungian concepts of the persona and the contrasexual archetype are instructive at this point. The persona, as the mask which carries the child into her or his experiences with the larger world, is the foundation for assertiveness. If the child has been gracefully blessed, then this mask is going to become a fairly honest expression of the child's own unique Self rather than a collection of acceptable characteristics fostered primarily by family and culture. This persona will comfortably fit, and the child will move confidently into the world. If the child has been manipulated to fit some need of the parents', then the true Self is repressed, and the mask is artificial. The contrasexual archetype, similarly, is the foundation of intimacy and is experienced through intimate relationships with others. The more this side of the personality is accepted, the more relationships are formed based on reality rather than on projections from the repressed Self.

Grace, therefore, reflects an acceptance of limits, both in one's Self and in others. Graceful individuals are able to forgive the failures of others and of themselves. The experience of grace allows the child to moderate her or his need for perfection without the formation of an overwhelming shadow. The tension between perfection and shadow is maintained at a tolerable level. Selflove is enhanced when disconnected from perfection. Grace further allows the child to begin the formation of ambitions, which always require a choice between possibilities, without losing touch with aspirations.

Incarnation. The third defining tension of childhood is the tension between disconnection and fusion. The maintenance of this tension is fostered through the experience of incarnation. The inherent danger in this tension is that the child will forfeit uniqueness in order to belong or experience the Self as so unique that he or she cannot belong. The critical period for incarnation is adolescence.

Kohut notes that children develop a need for models. These models communicate a sense of essential alikeness to the child, affirming that he or she is indeed a human among humans. The influence of the larger culture grows stronger and stronger, and the child experiments with her or his persona, seeking a selfimage which fits. When parents have gracefully blessed the child, then he or she experiences humanity as a good thing to be part of, but he or she also experiences himself or herself as more than just human in the way that everyone else is. Van Kaam compares the experience of immanence, oneness with mother, with the experience of Selffascination, awareness that one is more than mother. He notes that Selffascination is the first experience of uniqueness, "graced elevation," or, as I would prefer, transcendence. The experience of transcendence is essential to incarnation.

Incarnation thus expresses the experience of inculturation plus transcendence. Relationships with others, most significantly with the parents, offer opportunities to celebrate alikeness and uniqueness, the experience of being commonly human, yet uniquely human. The tension between alikeness and uniqueness is maintained at a tolerable level. Incarnation in Christian theology attempts to deal with the humanGod nature of Christ. This inherent paradox is fostered by the tension between the fully God yet fully human nature of Jesus. Christ's humanity and his transcendence are both cause for celebration (though, admittedly, not all traditions would agree). A similar experience is a part of the human condition in that the experience of common humanness and the experience of uniqueness are both cause for celebration.

A Word about God Image. This study focuses on the nature of human beings and does not intend to make definitive statements about the nature of God. It does, however, suggest an understanding of godimage. My master's thesis had as one focus the development of godimage in childhood. I distinguish in that project between godconcepts, rational beliefs about God, and godimages, unconscious or subconscious pictures of God. I state,

I argue through this conclusion, drawn from the literature and from clinical observation, that one's unspoken or unconscious theology concerning the nature of God is a more powerful and directing force than is spoken or conscious theology. I do not assert in that study what kind of God image one ought to have, but rather explore the impact of different images upon those who hold them. The current project lays the ground work for answering the question, "What image of God is most accurate?" or "Which image of God ought one to have?" The answer is approached through an assumption: The most positive forms of godimage emerge from the most positive forms of parenting.

If one accepts this assumption, then a somewhat unorthodox picture of God is found in Kohut and supported by Neumann. Optimal parenting can best be described as nontraumatic failure within the context of empathy. Failure in parenting is not just inevitable, it is important for mature development. Parental failures set the stage for the development of the child's Selfhood. Kohut continually reminds the reader of the importance of empathy. As long as failures are followed by the restoration of relationship, then trauma does not occur. The image of God, therefore, is best conceived of as a loving, but limited God who may "fail" in the sense of not meeting every need, yet maintains empathetic contact in the midst of such failure. This perspective is certainly not new to the theological enterprise. The paradox between God's love and God's power in the face of evil has often been eased by limiting God's power.

This God image has at least three important implications for understanding the development of mature Selflove in adulthood. First, this image of God offers a new appreciation for and understanding of the role of God's absence in one's spirituality. The absence or "failure" of the caregiver is of utmost importance for a wellformed sense of Self. The failure of the caregiver is what ultimately motivates the person to grow up and accept responsibility for his or her own Self. Second, this image of God suggests that the main purpose of the incarnation was one of empathy as opposed to redemption. A God who takes human form can be understood as a God who is seeking and is capable of empathetic connection. Third, this image of God suggests a particular interpretation of human fallenness. Greenlee, for example, interprets the fall of Adam and Eve in light of empathetic failure. The preFall human condition reflects the oneness of Self, creation and Other engendered in primary narcissism. The Fall itself correlates with the breach of empathy which leads to narcissistic vulnerability and shame. Greenlee does not note that the analogy breaks down at the point of causation and responsibility. The biblical revelation insists that humans initiated the breach. Kohut insists that the breach is initiated by the Other. This twist, however, makes sense if the breach is considered only a perceived breach, as suggested by some spiritualities of God's absence.

The person who emerges from childhood having experienced blessing, grace, and incarnation will be capable of holding the tensions of the emerging Self in place. Each tension fosters Selflove. This love of Self will not be an arrogant or selfish relationship, but a humble appreciation of one's unique and worthwhile gifts. This love of Self will include an appreciation of the important relationships which have fostered and sustained the Self through the first years of life. Furthermore, Selflove which has been fostered by realistic acceptance of the Self results in a manageable shadow. This person has not been forced to repress the emerging Self in order to fit in. This person, therefore, does not project the repressed Self into ambitions and relationships.

Blessing, grace, and incarnation in childhood set the stage for smooth development in adulthood. The manageable shadow is probably at the heart of smooth adult development. The concept of the midlife crisis is built upon an understanding of a repressed Self. A Self which has been repressed can be contained by the energy and ambition of youth. The decline of youth, however, gives the repressed Self, or shadow Self, an opportunity to surface, leaving the individual feeling chaotic and uncertain about life. If, however, the whole Self was never severely repressed but accepted and even celebrated, then there is much less shadow to wreak havoc in the middle years. The midlife crisis, then, is seen in this study as a symptom of narcissistic disturbance. Healthy narcissistic development is seen as a relatively smooth process of evolvement.

The smooth maturation of Selflove beyond childhood is not, however, a forgone conclusion. Narcissistic development can become untracked in adulthood even when the whole Self has been accepted in childhood. For narcissistic development to proceed, three processes must continually occur for the rest of life: 1) choosing, 2) detachment and attachment, and 3) repentance.

Choice. Persons are continually faced with choices. The possibilities of an emerging Self can seem endless at times, and the individual must often choose to actualize one possibility over another. Three fundamental kinds of choices involve the affirmation of transcendence, the affirmation of vocation, and the affirmation of community.

Van Kaam's description of the choice to participate in the life of Jesus is an example of the affirmation of transcendence. The pursuance of transcendence is an act of faith and hope which affirms that humans are more than just human. Choices are made which seek to actualize the transcendent dimension of life. These choices, for van Kaam, move one towards deeper and deeper relationship with Christ. The process of individuation, for Jung, is similar. One is choosing to actualize the transcendent dimension when one chooses to grapple with the paradoxical elements of the Self.

The affirmation of vocation involves those choices which engage transcendent Selfhood with a jobidentity. Jung suggests that one's choices in the first half of life need only serve the cultural purposes of beginning a family and establishing a career. The transcendent element, repressed during this time, will become functional later. Jung's understanding, however, simply invites the chaos of the midlife crisis. If one chooses a career within the context of Selfhood, then important dimensions of the Self need not be repressed. Vocational choices, thus, are choices to be on a lifelong pilgrimage which fosters continuing Selfemergence and serves the community as well.

The affirmation of community is an affirmation of one's need for support. The nature of the community will be different for different people but should, ideally, support the affirmations of transcendence and vocation. Any number of communities can serve these purposes, but religious community seems best suited. Choosing to participate in religious community can meet all the these needs.

Choosing is important at every point in adulthood but is perhaps especially important in young adulthood because so many paths to Selfemergence exist. Choosing is difficult, however, because choice for one path is a choice against another. The options can seem overwhelming, yet not to choose is to intensify chaos and ultimately to derail narcissistic development.

Repentance. Repentance involves a recognition that one has chosen not to actualize as much of his or her Self as circumstances have allowed. Life experiences inevitably introduce unsettling amounts of chaos back into the Self's world. Anxiety can foster a choice for safety over continued emergence of the Self. Choices for safety will not threaten the overall project of Selfemergence if the person is able to acknowledge the need for safety and turn away from a domination by this need. Mature Selflove fosters a graceful attitude towards Self, so repentance need not be a despairing experience.

The notion of repentance is explicit in van Kaam and implicit in Jung. Choosing individuation in midlife, according to Jung, involves the humble recognition that one has not been all he or she could be. Individuation, therefore, requires a repentance of the past and a pledge to fuller Selfhood in the present and future. Van Kaam suggests that repentance is primarily an act of later life in which one acknowledges the many counterfeit forms that were chosen in the past. This study argues that repentance is important throughout adulthood, but perhaps more so in middle adulthood when some distance from the choices of young adulthood is first achieved.

AttachmentDetachment. The process of detachment has long been fundamental to Christian spiritualities. Christian growth is often conceptualized as progressive detachment from earthly things and attachment to heavenly things. This study recognizes the importance of an attachmentdetachment cycle which occurs at two levels throughout adulthood.

First, the Self, as noted above, represents unlimited potential within a limiting environment. Each person is called upon to choose a direction of Self emergence, which, at the same time, requires a choice against the actualization of other potentials. Every person must detach himself or herself from the myriad of possibilities which are unveiled at every crossroad of life. As one grieves the possibilities that will never be, one is freed to actualize fully the chosen potential. Mature Selflove accepts what one has not become in order to appreciate what one has become.

Second, individuals are constantly called upon to detach themselves from relationships which have run their courses. Van Kaam refers to this process in two ways, as deidolization and as the loss of athomeness. Individuals must invest themselves in a variety of relationships, institutions, and ideals which facilitate the maturing of the Self. Attachment, fostered by the natural capacities for assertiveness and intimacy, in these arenas is necessary for this to occur. Detachment is the process by which one chooses to let go of relationships, institutions, and ideals when they no longer foster the Selfemergence. The loss of athomeness describes those less intentional moments of detachment when one suddenly finds herself or himself in a strange and uncomfortable environment. The inability to cope with this anxiety and find the resources to adapt to new situations leads to selfpreoccupation.

Mature Selflove, therefore, develops as one embraces a lifelong grief process of attachment and detachment. The ability to grieve allows one to maintain Selflove rather than falling into regret. Awareness of this cycle is important throughout adulthood, but it is especially important in later adulthood when one begins to evaluate what has been and what might have been.

Just as the seeds of mature Selflove germinate best in childhood, distortions of Selflove may take firm root at that time. Persons who do not partake of Selflove find it difficult to lay aside their own needs for the sake of parenting. They parent, therefore, in a cursing, intolerant, and manipulative fashion, seeking to find their own Selfhood. The Self of the child is repressed as the tensions of Selfemergence are unduly resolved or held in an anxious fashion. The oppressed child grows into an adult who is alienated from Self, community, and God. This person copes with alienation through idolatry, and idolatry distorts choice, repentance and attachmentdetachment. The adult will cope with these untoward distortions in one of three general fashions: 1) power and manipulation, 2) despair and fusion, 3) paralysis.

The emergence of the Self is a process of establishing order within chaos. Though the chaos can never be completely eliminated, individuals can come to tolerate it, even live peacefully with it, both within themselves and without. Toleration of the chaos, when coupled with one's awareness of unique value before God, leads to a humble appreciation of the Self which this study has defined as Selflove. Selflove matures as the Self slowly actualizes its possibilities within intimate relationships.

Selfemergence gets its best start in childhood and, when derailed in childhood, seems to suffer the most serious complications. The negotiation of a healthy childhood does not, however, guarantee eternal happiness. Jung and van Kaam move beyond childhood to describe narcissistic development as a life long process of Selfdiscovery. Persons must face the many choices and circumstances of life with courage and flexibility. There is no guarantee that the Self will be able to withstand this process, especially if traumatic circumstances break in on the adult. Narcissistic disturbances can begin thus at any point in life. One cannot, as with Kohut, always look into the past to find the root of these problems.

Parents who have not experienced blessing, grace and incarnation in a goodenough fashion take on the childraising task at a great disadvantage. They often need their child's affirmation as much or more than the child needs theirs. Elements of dysfunctional parenting was evident in all of the case studies. When this occurs, the three tensions of early Selfemergence become focused on the parents. Parenting, then, becomes a selfindulgent task instead of an ascetic practice. The children begin to "minister" to the needs of the parents. The child cannot possibly carry out this task successfully, and the cost to the child is tremendous. The child's Self is repressed by the parents, planting the seeds of shame.

Shame, within this context, is at the heart of human fallenness. Kohut, as was described in chapter two, supports a shift from seeing humans as fundamentally guilty and broken to seeing them as fundamentally tragic and shamed. Jung and van Kaam clearly share this view. Humans, for Freud, are destined to sin against others. They are born with wild and unruly drives which ultimately lead them to trespass against family and society. Humans, for Kohut, are destined to sin against themselves. They, like the servant in the parable of the talents, are born with creative and unique potentials which they hide away for fear of being abused. The parents are often the first to communicate to a child the danger of bringing one's unique Self out into the open. The child learns early that his or her Self is unacceptable and unlovable. Shame, then, is in opposition to mature Selflove.

A similar reconception of humanness has been underway in Western theology. Western theologies have tended to conceive of humans as originally sinful, guilty and broken. Greenlee, on the other hand, argues that guilt was an element in the Fall, but that shame was at the core of the experience. The breach of empathy between God and the humans resulted in a covering of their true goodness. The story of Adam and Eve, therefore, becomes a powerful metaphor for the parentchild experience. Shamefull parenting has tragic results. Rather than blessing, the child experiences a curse. Rather than grace, the child experiences intolerance. Rather than incarnation, the child experiences manipulation and control. The tensions of Selfemergence are distorted in one of two ways. They are either resolved or they are maintained at an anxious level.

Cursing. The first defining tension of childhood is the tension between grandiosity and worthlessness. When the parents are too selfpreoccupied to bless the inherent worthiness of the child, then this tension is not properly maintained. The child will cope in one of three fashions: 1) Any sense of unworthiness will be repressed in favor of grandiosity. 2) Unworthiness will become overwhelming. 3) The child will experience high levels of anxiety while trying to maintain the tension on his or her own.

Neumann suggests that the parental curse is interpreted by the child as personal unworthiness: "If my parents do not love me, then I must truly be unlovable." The child ultimately accepts this pronouncement, believing that something is basically wrong with him or her. The first fruit of the parental curse, therefore, is shame. The child accepts the impossibility of ever living up to expectations. The first cousin of shame, guilt, comes into play later when the child desperately tries to earn a blessing only to find that such attempts are met with contempt.

Intolerance. The second defining tension of childhood is the tension between perfection and shadow. When parents have not experienced grace, then this tension is not maintained, and is projected onto the child. Both parent and child split themselves into a "good me" and "bad me." The parent unwittingly communicates to the child that he or she must be either perfect or bad. The child may sense the possibility of a blessing if perfection can be achieved. Aspirations, which van Kaam describes as motivating but unattainable ideals, become confused with ambitions. One of three possibilities will occur: 1) The shadow will be actively repressed as the child becomes as intolerant of himself or herself as the parents have been. 2) The child may simply be crushed, accepting that there is no chance for grace and therefore identify completely with the shadow. 3) The child will attempt to maintain an anxious tension between perfection and shadow.

Intolerance serves to disrupt the natural capacities for intimacy and assertiveness. As the true Self is repressed, the persona becomes more and more artificial. The growing child struggles to force her or his way into acceptance by playing those roles that are affirmed. Furthermore, the contrasexual dimension is repressed, and the child loses her or his inner link with the opposite sex. Relationships become centered on growing physicalsexual awareness, and the satisfaction of personal needs becomes paramount. Intimacy with Self and others can be completely cut off, resulting in tremendous amounts of frustration and threat to Selfhood. The child becomes an adult who settles for sex because true intimacy seems an impossibility. The natural capacities for assertiveness and intimacy, as noted by Kohut and Neumann, disintegrate into aggression and distorted sexuality.

Manipulation and Control. The third defining tension of childhood is the tension between disconnection and fusion. The parent who has not maintained this tension for himself or herself has difficulty providing a model for humanness while affirming the unique elements of the child. Rather than seeking to incarnate the unique Self, this parent seeks to manipulate the child to meet her or his needs. The child will do one of three things: 1) He or she will become fused to the parent by force of the parent's neediness. 2) The child will seek to aggressively break from this control. 3) The child will maintain an anxious ambivalence between connection to and separation from the parents.

The storm and stress of adolescence, it can be argued, is a measure of the degree to which the parent has fostered incarnation or manipulation earlier in childhood. The child whose Selfhood has been gracefully blessed will be able assertively to move away from the parents throughout adolescence without severing the intimate relationship. Some families, says a colleague of mine, operate on the rule: "Nobody gets out alive." Intimate relationships have been replaced by fused relationships, and normal separation becomes virtually a struggle to the death. The chaos of adolescence, generally accepted as the norm in this culture, is normal only insofar as disturbances in narcissistic development can be considered normal.

The childhood seeds of shame bear their fruit in adulthood. The theorists describe and the cases confirm the variety of ways in which adulthood is affected by narcissistic disturbances. All of these fit under the rubric of alienation and can be further divided into alienation from Self, alienation from Community, and alienation from God.

Alienation from Self. Narcissistic disturbances bury the true Self under an avalanche of aggression, sexuality, guilt, shame, envy, and other painful feelings. Reflection on inner experience is cut off for the sake of survival. Different persons cope with this in different ways, as is discussed below, but this Selfalienation is common in all narcissistic disturbances.

Alienation from Community. Community is a place where, ideally, mutual Selfemergence is fostered. Persons with disturbances of Selflove however, move towards community only out of their overwhelming needs for blessing, grace and incarnation. They have little or nothing to offer to community. Furthermore, the repressed Self is projected onto others so that an appreciation for the other is diminished. Relationships, therefore, are approached in either a very manipulative or a very dependent fashion.

Alienation from God. Persons suffering from narcissistic disturbances carry a variety of godconcepts, but seem to share the same godimage. The narcissistically disturbed person, deep within, carries an image of the GroundofBeing as generally angry and punishing. This god requires them to be what god wants, just as the parents of these persons required them to be what they wanted. The relationship is founded on fear. Spirituality and religious practices, therefore, can take many distorted forms. Others may trade spirituality for a rational allegiance to a particular system of belief, or nonbelief, which helps them maintain a sense of control over a fragile sense of Self.

Narcissistic disturbances, therefore, lead to the creation of an unbearable godimage and, furthermore, to the sin of idolatry. Persons choose to worship whatever sustains the distorted Self rather than worshiping the living God. Framed within the context of this dissertation, idolatry is the investment of the Self in that which does not foster Selfemergence (preliminary concerns) as opposed to that which does (ultimate concerns). Idolatry thus is the driving dynamic behind the myriad of addictions, relational and substance, which often complicate narcissistic disturbances.

The emergence of the Self through adulthood depends upon a person's ability to make responsible choices, repent, and grieve through the many cycles of attachment and detachment. Since mature Selflove rests upon the emergence of the Self, it is closely connected to these three processes. When the Self is stifled, then Selflove drifts toward selfpreoccupation, and ultimately to selfdeprecation or hate. The preceding section describes the ways in which the Self can be repressed in childhood, resulting in a resolution of the emergence tensions or the maintenance of them in a stifling, anxious fashion. The failure to moderate these tensions results in a repression of the Self and in the experience of alienation. This person brings into adulthood distortions concerning himself or herself which complicate choosing, repenting and grieving. Persons tend to cope with these distortions in three general ways, each of which has a characteristic idolatry.

The Despair Narcissist. The despair narcissist does not experience Selflove in any form. This person can only feel disparagement and deprecation, if not outright hate, towards her or his Selfhood. The only comfort the despair narcissist finds is with those who express love and care towards himself or herself. This condition is associated most strongly with infancy and with parents who are simply unable to meet the most basic requirements of the child. A lack of blessing during this critical time results in a resolution of tension towards worthlessness. The characteristic idolatry of the despair narcissist is dependency. This person believes that meaning can be found in fusion with a powerful other.

The despair narcissist correlates with Neumann's distress ego and with van Kaam's willess person. Sam and Lisa provided case examples of this condition. Neumann notes that the distress ego is the product of early parenting failures which occur before the ego has achieved any formation. Kohut describes these earliest needs as primarily mirroring needs. The despair narcissist, therefore, has never received anything approaching a blessing. The lack of defenses in this person results in an almost constant experience of anxiety, and nothing seems capable of assuaging this anxiety apart from an enmeshed and fused relationship.

The despair narcissist has resolved the tension between grandiosity and worthlessness on the side of worthlessness. This sets the stage for the tensions of the next two stages to be resolved in the direction of shadow and fusion. Perfection is never considered a remote possibility. The tension between fusion and disconnection cannot be endured, so comfort is sought in enmeshing relationships.

The despair narcissist considers himself or herself as an eternal victim, therefore, the notions of choice, freedom and responsibility become meaningless. One's selfimage is of no control. Repentance is an enigma to this person because she or he considers herself or himself always a victim and never a perpetrator. Attachment is the primary agenda of the despair narcissist. Detachment is always a harrowing experience.

The Power Narcissist. The power narcissist attempts to approach Selflove through the experience of pride. This person appears as supremely confident, if not arrogant. The power narcissist idolizes power and control. Others are experienced as means by which his or her ends can be achieved. This condition is associated with infancy and childhood. The tension of blessing is held tenuously into childhood by parents who overidentify with the child's grandiosity. Their unmet need for mirroring results in an experience of their own grandiose needs in their child's displays. Grandiosity is encouraged, and never moderated. Grace, furthermore, is not experienced, and this tension is resolved in the direction of shadow.

The power narcissist correlates with Neumann's negativized ego and with van Kaam's willful person. Bob and Jan are the case examples of negativized narcissism. The negativized ego, according to Neumann, is the product of parenting failures which occur after the ego has achieved some formation. This ego is able to mobilize defenses against the anxiety associated with traumatic breaches of parental empathy, but such defenses are extremely rigid. The power narcissist's ongoing need for achievement, by whatever means, precludes an awareness of limits or an acceptance of any sort of failure.

The power narcissist has resolved the tension between grandiosity and worthlessness on the side of grandiosity. Perfection is replaced by utility as this person will do whatever works to suppress the shadow. Incarnation is lost as the power narcissist forfeits his or her sense of commonness in a drive for uniqueness.

Issues of choice, responsibility, and freedom are seen by the power narcissist in terms of license. He or she believes that anything is okay which furthers the prideful image. Repentance is also difficult, for this person justifies all actions in terms of needs and desires. Attachment and detachment is a flippant process of jumping to and from whatever relationships suit current needs. Intimacy is, therefore, of a superficial sort. Community is always chosen in terms of what can be selfishly gained.

The Paralyzed Narcissist. The paralyzed narcissist would settle for simple comfort over Selflove. This comfort, which is never achieved, becomes the focus of idolatry. This person presents himself or herself as likable and engaging yet is virtually unable to make significant decisions. The paralyzed narcissist is overwhelmed by possibilities and is convinced that every choice is potentially a wrong choice. Every choice is an ordeal. Implications must be considered over and over until a choice is made. This condition occurs when the tensions of infancy, childhood, and adolescence are anxiously held until the person is faced with adulthood. The tremendous amounts of anxiety needed to hold these three tensions in place preclude the paralyzed narcissist from embracing adult responsibilities. All choices become overwhelming.

Paralyzed narcissism correlates with the Jungian studies of the puer aeternis personality. Jim and Rick provide case illustrations of the paralyzed narcissist. This person is essentially stuck in adolescence, unable to take the risks that full adulthood requires. The early adult tasks related to forming a family and establishing a career are fraught with potential failures which cannot be faced. The paralyzed narcissist tends to have widely fluctuating impressions of himself or herself, being very high when high and very low when low. Unlike the other forms of narcissistic disturbance, the paralyzed narcissist often draws people to herself or himself.

The paralyzed narcissist hides an image of worthlessness behind a friendly and engaging mask. This person, like the despair narcissist, identifies almost completely with the shadow, convinced that he or she really is his or her darkness. The paralyzed narcissist seems to deal with the tension between fusion and disconnection with nonending approachavoidance relationships. Both closeness and distance create anxiety, and a balance is never found. The seeking of community, therefore, is an anxious experience. Choices, as noted, are overwhelming. Repentance is sometimes sought but seldom fully experienced because of a lack of internal grace.

The oppressed Self has lost contact with its own uniqueness and value. Transformation of this Self is best characterized by liberation. The experience of liberation is an experience of reconciliation with Self, others, and God. Pastoral Counseling provides one setting in which liberation can occur through experiences of blessing, grace, and incarnation.

Disturbances in narcissistic development preclude the development of mature Selflove. The narcissist's feelings about himself or herself are characterized by shame, fear, anger, and even hate. These dark and foreboding feelings may be hidden under a variety of facades which serve to cover the darkness and shackle the true Self. Conroy has provided a most eloquent description of this dilemma. Speaking through the character of Tom Wingo in The Prince of Tides, he says,

My parents had succeeded in making me a stranger to myself. They had turned me into the exact image of what they needed at the time, and because there was something essentially complaisant and orthodox in my nature, I allowed them to knead and shape me into the smooth lineaments of their nonpareil child. I adhered to the measurements of their vision. They whistled and I danced like a spaniel in their yard. They wanted a courteous boy and the old southern courtesies flowed out of me in a ceaseless flood. They longed for a stable twin, a pillar of sanity to balance the family structure after they realized [my twin sister] was always going to be their secret shame, their unabsolvable crime. They succeeded not only in making me normal but also in making me dull. But their most iniquitous gift they did not even know they were bestowing. I longed for their approval, their applause, their pure uncomplicated love for me, and I looked for it for years after I realized they were not even capable of letting me have it. To love one's children is to love oneself, and this was a state of supererogatory grace denied my parents by birth and circumstance. I needed to reconnect to something I had lost. Somewhere I had lost touch with the kind of man I had the potential of being. I needed to effect a reconciliation with that unborn man and try to coax him gently toward his maturity.

The brokenness of the narcissist has been described as a process whereby the true Self of an individual is shackled and oppressed. Salvation, therefore, is conceived of as a process of transformation which liberates the oppressed Self. Two basic models of salvation have competed for acceptance among theologians throughout Christian history. These can be described as the atonement model and the liberation model.

The atonement model holds that humans are completely broken and guilty. The death of Christ is understood as an atoning sacrifice which heals this basic ontological dilemma. The liberation model argues that sin and evil are not ontological givens in humanness. Sin, rather, is connected to oppression. The activity of Christ, especially his death on the cross, served to liberate humanity from the bondage of evil so that true human Selfhood could emerge. This study clearly embraces the liberation model. Transformation in therapy, therefore, is conceived of as a process by which the tensions of emergence are reinstituted so that the Self may be liberated and, in effect, reconciled to itself, others, and God. This perspective informed the pastoral counseling process as presented in chapter five.

A key theological term used to describe God's activity in the world is reconciliation. Reconciliation can be described as God's assertive movement towards an alienated humanity in order to share intimate and redeeming love. Humans are called upon to participate with God in this salvific dance. Pastoral counseling is one context in which the dance can commence. Shamed and alienated persons are transformed as they experience blessing, grace, and incarnation in human relationship. The counselor sometimes provides these experiences himself or herself. Sometimes the counselor functions as a friend on the path who fosters these relationships for the person as he or she lives in the world.

I have argued, primarily from my clinical experience, that the pastoral counseling relationship is a unique community of two persons in which Selfemergence is fostered for each. I have suggested that the basic grounding of this relationship is in the mutuality of needs for community which both the counselor and the client share, though not to equal degrees. One implication of this perspective concerns feetaking. I have submitted that feetaking may be an economic necessity, but that it should not be viewed as a means to achieve community or equality in the counseling relationship. It is true that the client is, in some ways, purchasing a service or expertise from the counselor, but to frame this as the grounds for equality between the two persons or as a primary motivator in therapy is inappropriate. Raising the issue of money to this level of importance is to embrace what I believe to be the distorted values of Western culture.

The three theories considered in this project describe therapy in similar and different ways. Taken together, especially in the light of my clinical experiences, three threads of therapy begin to emerge. The threads are 1) the supportive thread, 2) the guidance thread, and 3) the redemption thread. These threads inform the process of pastoral counseling by suggesting important phases of the narcissist's journey towards wholeness. A journey which, according to Moore, involves both knowledge and love. He says of the Narcissus story,

The myth is saying that true personal transformation involves knowledge and love. Narcissus is transformed, recovers his deepest nature, by acquiring knowledge about love and its part in his life, about giving and receiving love. At the same time, it is the energy of love itself that provides the knowledge and is the dynamic thrust behind the transformation. Narcissus is both the subject and object of the one love he experiences at the pool, and he is both knower and known. This is neither pure objectlove nor is it pure love of self. It is more transformative than either.

The Supportive Thread. This thread of pastoral counseling acknowledges Kohut's concept of compensatory structures and van Kaam's concept of consolations. Both of these concepts argue that the Self can be encouraged and supported in a secondary fashion. This aspect of counseling focuses on establishing the therapeutic alliance and on the explorations of dimensions of personhood, such as relationships or interests, which might be called upon to shore up the person's immediate fragility in the present. Many people undergo brief fragmentations of Selfhood for which they only need passing support. These people may choose to leave counseling when a more cohesive sense of Self has been restored. Van Kaam's warning about the difference between ambitions and aspirations is instructive, however. Support is a short term ambition in pastoral counseling, and should not be confused with the long term process of liberating the Self. Both Kohut and van Kaam warn that these supportive measures can take on an addictive quality. Addictions, like any form of idolatry, ultimately oppress the emerging Self.

The Guidance Thread. This thread of pastoral counseling corresponds roughly with Kohut's therapeutic transmuting internalization, with the early stages of Jungian therapy, and with the initial stages of spiritual direction. This phase of counseling, with its emphasis on the past, focuses on the individual's story of derailed Selfemergence. Theperson is encouraged to tell his or her story while, at the same time, the pastoral counselor tells the story of God. Both stories are weaved together so that the person not only senses a deep understanding on the part of the therapist but also begins to intuit God's empathy. This process brings meaning to the present conflict in light of the individual's larger life story and also brings a larger meaning to the life story within the context of God's story. This phase of counseling carries with it the traditional issues of transference and resistance which must be overcome as the person chooses to pursue Selfemergence. The end of the guidance phase of counseling is marked by confession. Confession indicates that the individual is preparing to take responsibility for his or her continuing Selfoppression in the present.

The Redemption Thread. This thread of pastoral counseling is not clearly represented in Kohut. The therapeutic processes he describes all fit within the guidance phase. Van Kaam's spiritual direction and Jungian theory do account for the redemption thread. It corresponds roughly with van Kaam's formation counseling and with the middle and later stages of Jungian therapy. This phase of counseling, which emphasizes the present and future, begins with the experience of repentance. Confession and repentance clear the way for choice and responsibility. The grappling with archetypal opposites of which Jungian therapy speaks is a part of this phase. Within the context of this study, these opposites are seen as the three tensions of emergence. Counseling helps the person wrestle with these tensions so that they might be brought back into relationship. The experience of blessing, grace, and incarnation which will ultimately set Selfemergence back on track are meaningless apart from these tensions. Experiences of grace, blessing, and incarnation fostered renewed emergence of the true Self. The person begins to make choices, experience repentance, and grieve. Selfpreoccupation slowly gives way to Selflove. Continuing reconciliation to Self, others, and God can proceed.

Early in my dissertation research I participated in a seminar on pastoral assessment. The participants attempted to develop and describe a system of assessment based on the New Testament concepts of faith, hope and love. We began with the assumption that faith, hope, and love are the fundamental assessment terms within the Christian tradition. This is to assume that the degree to which one has faith, hope and love is an accurate measure of the degree of spiritual or

emotional health. In response to ongoing discussion I formulated a table of pastoral assessment (figure 1.) which accounts for three spheres of experience (intrapersonal, interpersonal, and transpersonal) and suggests assessment questions related to each sphere. The table was then laid aside for several months.

The table was rediscovered toward the end of my dissertation research process and provided interesting reflection on the directions which I had taken. The intrapersonal, interpersonal, and transpersonal spheres are the same as what I have referred to simply as Self, others, and God in this paper. I discovered that this project is focused on the interpersonal or Self sphere of the love dimension of experience (highlighted in figure 1.) I further discovered that I have accounted for

every other sphere and dimension as I have described the importance of and development of Selflove. The most obvious conclusion is that all elements of the chart are inextricably related. Therapeutically this suggests that one can start in any one of nine places and ultimately effect transformation in all arenas. I have chosen to begin with Selflove in this dissertation. No doubt one could find perspectives which begin with one of the other eight arenas. A weakness in some perspectives lies in their attempt to elevate one of the arenas to ultimacy, disparaging the others. Development of the ideas represented by this table will be one of my next projects.

	INTERPERSONAL	INTRAPERSONAL	TRANSPERSONAL
LOVE versus DEPENDENCY	Can I tolerate an honest view of myself which leads to legitimate Self-love or must I look outside myself for that affirmation?	Do I love others for their own sake or for how they can take care of me or serve my needs?	Is God Someone with whom I co-create or someone I must only obey and appease?
HOPE versus WISHFULNESS	Do I see myself evolving in positive ways or do I wish that I might have made other choices?	Do I see myself moving toward more satisfying and responsible relationships or do I wish that I could be in another family/group.	Do I find myself looking forward to what creation is moving toward or looking backward to what has been?
FAITH versus CONTROL	Do I trust myself or must I set up structures to avoid and control myself? (addictions and compulsions)	Can I depend on others to act in loving ways toward me or must I manipulate to get what I want or need?	Can I trust God’s plan when it does not make sense to me or must God’s plan be the same as my plan?

This project raises questions related to a spirituality of SelfLove and to issues of spiritual direction. Fundamentally, the tension between community and individuality is highlighted in this study, with emphasis on the individual emerging Self. This tension has been particularly threatening to organized religion. Pagels, for example, argues that the early gnostics were ostracized not so much for their theological positions but rather because of the political threats they posed. The gnostics are often characterized, probably unjustifiably, as anticommunity. Their emphasis on the individual path to salvation, however, according to Pagels, ran counter to organized religion's attempt to gain a foothold in the political structures. Zweig also describes the perceived threat of "subversive individualism" to the religious structures throughout history. This study clearly supports a spirituality of individualism of sorts, but also values community. As stated above, truth is contained in the tension between these two polarities. To favor either polarity too much is to resolve truth into heresy.

Spiritual direction, therefore, occurs best in an atmosphere of community which aids one in the guidance and interpretation of Selfemergence. The best spiritual guide, this study suggests, would refrain from theologizing and interpretation and focus on the nature of the guidance relationship. The guide would move toward the other in intimate relationship in order to foster the Selfemergence of both. The guide would foster an atmosphere of blessing, grace, and incarnation and be faithful in calling the person under guidance to responsible choosing, repentance and attachmentdetachment. Ultimately the guide must trust the Self of the person under guidance.

Two other points bear mentioning. First, the issue of service is not seen as a Selfdepleting activity within a spirituality of Selflove, but clearly as a Selfenhancing activity. This is not to say, of course, that service is to be viewed simply as a means to Selfemergence. Servanthood, however, is appreciated not only for the good provided for others, but also an important dimension of Selfemergence.

Second, the place of assertiveness in relationships calls into question traditional teachings regarding how one moves toward God. My religious upbringing contained an undercurrent of "works theology" which suggested if one maintained certain devotional practices, then one would surely move closer to God. More recent guidance experiences have been offered with the assumption that there is nothing one can do to stir God's activity. A person can only prepare spiritually and then wait for God to move. The first approach seems too active. The second seems to passive. This study argues that intimate relationships require some degree of assertiveness on the part of all parties involved. Some middle ground between the active and passive approaches would seem appropriate. I have not yet decided what such an approach would involve.

This dissertation has developed and presented the pastoraltheological dimensions of narcissistic development. The emergence of mature Selflove has been described as the natural result of healthy narcissistic development. Healthy development begins with experiences of blessing, grace, and incarnation in childhood, and proceeds through adulthood as one makes responsible choices, repents, and grieves through the attachmentdetachment process. Narcissistic development, when disturbed, yields to the experiences of shame, alienation, and idolatry. Pastoral counseling, this project has argued, is one context in which narcissistic disturbances can be transformed, reawakening persons to the experience of mature Selflove.

2. Two fundamentally different theological anthropologies have competed for expression throughout Christian history. They can roughly be identified as Arminianism and Calvinism. One way to conceptualize the differences between these two approaches to understanding human beings is through the question, "How broken are persons?" Arminianism, founded upon the thought of Jacobus Arminius, a Dutch theologian, argues for an unblemished presence of God deep within the person. This unblemished imago is not tarnished by sin but can be oppressed by sin. Calvinism, built upon the Reformed tradition of John Calvin, insists that humans are totally broken and blemished. The Calvinist recognizes no such unscathed imago in persons. These traditions certainly did not begin with these two men, and many variances of them exist, but Arminius and Calvin are often credited with highlighting the two poles of this issue. Discussion in this arena reached, perhaps, its apex with the debates between Emil Brunner and Karl Barth. Brunner denies that the image of God in humans has been lost completely in sin. Even the nonchristian person possesses at least a spark of the divine. Barth, on the other hand, argues vehemently that any inherent knowledge of God has been distorted to the core by sin. Brunner's position allows for humans to at least begin down the path of wholeness apart from direct intervention from God. Barth's position insists that God must move towards humans before any pilgrimage can begin.

8. Lynn F. Greenlee, "Kohut's Self Psychology and Theory of Narcissism: Some Implications Regarding the Fall and Restoration of Humanity," Journal of Psychology and Theology 14 (Sum 1986), pp. 113114. Theology, up until the time of Freud, had no clear concept of an unconscious, and what conceptions there were affirmed Freud's view of a dark and twisted aspect of humanness. Love of Self, from this perspective, is rather misguided since there is little about humans to love. Neoorthodoxy, liberation theologies, and other theological systems which are based on the human potential movement, however, have drawn from, or at least paralleled, the shift represented by Kohut. The unconscious is seen as a repository of frustrated potential, the core of the human self. Humans live more in the shame of having not lived this potential than in the guilt of having trespassed.

9. Castelein suggests, for instance, that some religious rituals or expressions are "transitional" attempts to shore up a fragmented sense of Self. He argues, for example, that glossolalia can be the response of some persons who are "too abruptly weaned from the supernatural" before their need for magical faith has been met. Glossolalia becomes a kind of spiritual "peekaboo" in which the believer reestablishes contact with a sometimes seemingly distant God. See John Donald Castelein, "Glossolalia and the Psychology of the Self and Narcissism," Journal of Religion and Health 23 (Spr 1984), p. 58.

12. A most complete and concise discussion of models of transformation can be found in Gustav Aulen's Christus Victor, trans. A.G. Herbert (New York: MacMillan Publishing Co, 1969). Also, J. Bradley Chance, professor of New Testament at William Jewell College, suggests that Jesus intended to overturn the atonement model in favor of the liberation model. See Chance's "The Authority of the Son of Man: Some Implications of the Literary Structure of Mark 2:112," (Unpublished Paper, William Jewell College, 1988). Liberation theology is a broad category of theological endeavors which has at its foundation the liberation model of transformation. Liberation theologies generally hold at least one axiom in common: God is on the side of the oppressed. Such theologies emphasize the evil nature of social oppression which keeps certain classes of persons from reaching their potentials.

14. I mentioned in chapter one that one of my subinterests in this study concerned curiosity about what impact differing anthropological assumptions concerning humanness would have upon the actual practice of therapy. My conclusion has been that the acceptance of a transpersonal dimension has a tremendous impact upon practice, but that the further assertion of a Christian transpersonal dimension does not have as much impact. Kohut's approach to therapy, argue the Jungians, represents an appropriate first half of therapy. Kohutian therapy removes the oppressive chains from the Self, but does not actually work towards the actualization of the transpersonal dimensions of the Self. The reader may recall that Jung made the same remarks concerning Freudian and Alderian approaches to therapy. Jung agreed that classical analysis could bring a person a few steps toward health, but, since it did not account for transpersonal dimensions, could not unleash the true power of the Self. The Christian perspective of van Kaam argues that the source of power for the unleashing rests with the Holy Spirit, but fundamentally his views are not much different from the Jungians. The Christian perspective does, however, offer a particular set of symbols and rituals through which Selfemergence can be fostered.

15. Kohut, interestingly, observes that the person who survives best in our culture is not the one with the most wellformed Self, but rather a Self constellated around compensatory structures. It would appear that present culture has managed not only to endorse its brokenness, but profit from it. Western culture, by fostering an image of the "rugged individualist," has elevated workaholism into general acceptability, even admiration.